I am now in my early thirties. I would like to think that I have experienced quite a lot in life. As I sit here typing, having spent time reflecting and working on myself I definitely have done or made choices which I now I back on and either scorn or cringe. But I have decided to put together a list of choices that will definitely send you spiraling downwards, many of which I have personally done my self.

1. Stay at home and contribute nothing to the world

This is the easiest thing to do, and the quickest way to ruin your life. In my 20s I became a recluse. I stayed indoors most of the time. Video games was my crutch of choice, and I was addicted to video games for over 20 years (a story for a different post). Even when I had graduated and worked in a new city as a young man, I never really went out on the weekends unless I was socialising, which was very rare. I used to visit my parents most weekends and play video games in my room unless my friends were available to socialise, and even then I would be thinking about going home and running my daily instances on my Paladin Healer in World of Warcraft. As the years went by the ratio of time indoors vs outdoors increased, and I eventually moved back home due to changes in circumstances. All I really did was sit in my bedroom in my parent’s house and play video games in my room among other procrastinating habits. I used to have a loft bed with my desk underneath with my gaming rig on it. It used to frustrate my dad that all I would do is play video games rather than live my life. One day it culminated into a terrible argument where he threatened to smash everything, needless to say the addiction spoke on my behalf which I still regret to this day. Later I found my room completely rearranged, with no desk and two beds and everything neatly packed away. For at least 4 years I lived like this until I eventually moved out once more, and managed to spend more time focusing on what was important.

2. Do not ask for help

I have spoken previously about my IBD, it started off as a simple IBS and instead of doing the normal thing and going to the doctor to to actually articulate my issues and to seek help. I just accepted and more so I think I was slightly ashamed of it and kept it hidden and bottled in for some reason. So of course my health spiraled downwards all the while I had my hands in my ears ignoring all the warnings around me from my own body. But its not just your health, its every aspect of your life. Nobody knows everything, which is why you ask help from someone else. It is also a basic principle of business, you pay someone to help you solve an issue, in my case I pay my accountant for his expertise and help in making sure that the HMRC is happy, or paying my mechanic to replace my water pump for the nth time in my car. To really advance in life you need help from those around you, and in turn you will also help them. You cannot forgo this long path ahead of you without help. In turn the whole world helps you directly or indirectly for every problem you may encounter. Only if you actually ask for help.

3. Take no responsibility for your actions

There was a period of my life I did not want to take responsibility of anything I did or said. I would shrug it off as me being direct, pious, or just stating the obvious. In reality I was being a rude asshole. I wasn’t taking responsibility for my own actions, in turn I caused arguments, offended people, or just outright did the wrong thing and took zero responsibility for the mess I left behind figuratively. I now shudder at some of the things that I said (un)consciously to people in the past.

4. Forget about your physical and mental health

Your physical and mental health are more inexplicably linked than you think. To neglect one of them, the other suffers. The easiest way to make your life completely miserable is simply neglect every aspect of your health. Eat clean and healthy? Nah, too expensive, don’t have time, doesn’t taste good. When I was a university student my diet consisted of McDonalds, Protein Shakes, Microwave and Oven Pizzas, a few healthy things, and mostly foods that years later I realise give me an inflammatory response. I used to wonder why my gut was so bloated despite going to the gym religiously, why I had permanent brain fog, and why I felt terrible all the time. Throw in the mix of drugs and alcohol, along with the life of a chaotic university student and you have a recipe for absolute misery. I felt awful most of the time, and I couldn’t figure it out, instead of seeking help I would boot up the laptop and play video games until I was tired enough to fall asleep.

5. Live for the right now instead of tomorrow

After a long day I would say to myself, lets just play a few round of DoTA 2 just to take the edge off the day. Something I would repeat daily for years when I lived alone. Instead of working on my goals, learning something new, or making the conscious effort. Instead I would spend time losing against better players whilst being screamed at in Russian. At one point, I didn’t even care about tomorrow, I lived for then and there. Lets bask in the cheap and easy dopamine rush of the pleasures to me today with no regard for tomorrow. 7 drinks on a school night? Tomorrows me will be hung over for work, and that is his problem. Right now its Tuesday and I’m enjoying my 7th beer of the day. So what if my IBS is flaring up, that super tasty oven pizza will go so well with all those beers I just downed. I lived for Friday nights and the weekend where I would get higher than the clouds and drown myself in the over-stimulation of video games, doom scrolling, and binge eating. Every weekend for years. Of course on Monday I was an absolute zombie, burnt out, but I did it all over again for several years. It was not healthy, it was escapism at its finest. I definitely enjoyed myself in the moment, but it was at the cost of the future.

I also kick myself for not financially investing more when I was younger. Its not that I didn’t know. I KNEW, I studied investing when I was at university. Instead of putting money aside, and investing on my future I spent most of it on useless junk, retail therapy, junk food, and drugs. Again, I borrowed from my future to pay myself now in cheap pleasures.

6. Do not learn anything new and assume you know it all

I would like to think I know it all. That is definitely the way I thought for years. I used to think I knew everything and would speak with absolute conviction about the topics. It was all bullshit, ego, and the arrogance of youth. In reality I accept I do not know anything and that I am always learning something new. But I spent so many years pretending I knew it all, and when someone would correct me, I would get angry and upset. It was an attack on my ego. In life everyone will pick a handful of topics and spend their life honing their knowledge or skills around them either as a career or a hobby. Nobody knows everything, my friends will call and ask me about buildings, houses and construction as it is my career and I have spent years working and learning every facet of the industry I am in. I will call and ask my friends about cars, dentistry, websites, blogging, etc. because I need help on something. It is OK to not know the answers to everything, by assuming you know it all you will end up either putting your foot in your mouth, giving bad advice, of alienating the subject matter experts around you. Nobody will want to spend time with a cocky know it all.

7. Lie to yourself, and everyone else around you

You should seek to tell the truth, no matter how bad, difficult or harsh it may be. Lying is possibly the worst thing you can do for many reasons. By lying to yourself and others you are reinforcing the belief that no matter what you say will be regarded as the truth, and each time you lie to yourself, the lie warps your reality until you begin to believe the lies. The problem with lying is that you then have to keep track of all the lies you have told to different people, and if you have told multiple variations of the same lie to different groups of people it becomes a problematic juggling act which gets exponentially worse with every single additional lie. In the end you will end up living a life that you did not want, accepting people, and doing things you do not like just to continue living the lie. Once the truth comes out, any credibility you once had in the eyes of your peers is gone. How could they trust anything you say after that? What irreparable damage can you create by lying continuously? Speak the truth, the cold hard truth and people will respect you for it.

These 7 points above are just some of the points of reflection I have come to realise on my journey to be a better person. I hope you can learn something new here.

Speak to you soon.

Faz